When I was a teenager, I was able to reach orgasm very quickly. Under a minute, usually. And because I had that superpower, I did it many times a day, every day. Sometimes up to 30 times.
Now, in my early 20”s, I am finding that I am having trouble reaching orgasm. Alone, I can get “there” in 5-10 minutes (usually enough time to cause me some serious wrist pain), but with a partner (no matter how good the instructions I give) – it takes 15-20 minutes.
This is wrecking our sex life because _his_ fetish, obsession, is giving women orgasms. He has stated that this is actually the main reason he has sex at all. He has told me that it taking me so long is both “mind-numbing” and “about as sexy as digging a ditch.” As such, he only actually attempts to get me off about twice a month, regardless of how much sex we”re having.
Knowing his history and past experiences, he”s not the ”selfish” type. He said he just gave up, because if he hadn”t he would have had to break it off with me completely and get with a woman he could make cum because it was driving him crazy.
So, in summation, my trouble reaching orgasm quick enough is both ruining my masturbation experience AND my partnered sex experience, and I don”t know what to do to ”speed it up.”
Does anyone have any advice for me? You know, other than “find someone else to have sex with”? (I love him, damnit).
First off: there is NOTHING wrong with you. It takes me over an hour to orgasm, and that is just fine. Everyone”s body works differently.
You say his fetish is to make women orgasm, and that he is not the “selfish” type. I am not trying to criticize him, but it is completely unacceptable to ever make someone feel guilty or bad about how their body feels and responds to pleasure. If he truly cared about giving women pleasure, he would be overjoyed to take the time and give you an amazing orgasm. The fact that he is making you feel bad about yourself is NOT OK. You deserve to be with someone who adores you and feels lucky as hell to get to give your body pleasure, no matter how long it takes.
So let me repeat: there is nothing wrong with you. Your body is perfect just the way it is. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects your body. Maybe he is generous in lots of other ways, but when it comes to your pleasure he is acting like a selfish little boy. You deserve so much better than that.
maybe try getting yourself in the mood before attempting to have sex with him. for example throughout the day just pump urself up about having sex. I have the same problem with my husband actually its me and i just cant get to it fast enough and after awhile it makes having sex feel like a chore.. not a good feelng at all. SO throughout the day i try to think about having sex all day and trying to get excited just by the thought of it.. come on here and read posts.. idk if this is helpng or if it makes sense.. GOOD LUCK i know how frustrating it is.
im watching from next door as you and him fuck. it looks like your struggling and i feel bad. i begin to rub my swelling clit and my panties are soaking. i look for my little vibe and i insert it while i rub my clit. you look over and catch me watching in lust. you becon for me to come, so i do. but not before stripping down. my pussy is throbing in agony at the sight of him, and im dripping onto the floor as i walk into your house and into the room. what would you do next?
Stop thinking “I need to finish” as you end up feeling pressured to finish and therefore the mood goes and you don”t. Relax into it, think sexy, dirty thoughts and take your time.
Tell him to have some patience! If you”re just going down on a guy, or giving him a hand job, it takes time, that”s part of the fun!
Furthermore, if your partner loves making girls orgasm so much, surely he will understand that the longer it takes, the more tension builds up and the more earth shattering it is at the end.
With my boyfriend, it used to take…about 10 seconds; as soon as he put his tongue on my clit, I was gone. I can assure you, that taking more time is way better and much less embarrassing!
Good luck and don”t forget that the best relationships come from talking and working through problems together!
You know, it takes me a lot longer than it used to as well and the more my partner goes down on me the longer it seems to be each time and what I”m learning is that the longer it takes the better it is(and the longer the actual orgasm lasts!)! Men who really want to give a woman pleasure will take their time because its also about the enjoyment of the journey and all the beautiful landscapes and nuances before the orgasm. There seriously is nothing wrong with you! I don”t know who this guy was with before, but I seriously doubt making women orgasm is really a priority of his by how he”s behaving in your relationship. Patience is key. And he”s got to take of the pressure off making it quick!