Talking: Most of us do it without thinking. Most of us listen without thinking and yet when it comes to the bedroom, it’s almost as though many of us lose verbal skills that we use everyday. Talking dirty, doesn’t have to mean actually talking dirty though there are many ways to talk to your partner during the horizontal tango without feeling like a second rate porn actress or a b rated actor.
Learning to talk to your partner during sex has some great benefits, such as being able to tell them what it is they are doing that you actually like, therefore you get more pleasure. Because we so rarely talk sexually to people the forbidden part of talking dirty can often enhance your pleasure. Talking is an important part of communication, yes, I know that’s a no brainier but can you honestly remember the last time you told your partner which part of their body you loved the most and what you would like to do it right here and now?
Below are some ways that can help those of who are embarrassed to say certain words or admit to certain things for fear of rejection, looking stupid, or plain feel they just can’t do this.
Establish Ground Rules : Sex is supposed to be fun for both parties. Anything sexual must be consensual and having the power to say I really don’t like that is liberating by itself. If your partner begins to talk in a tone you don’t like or uses words that you really abhor then tell them so. This is a shared experience, one that should create pleasure not make you cringe inwardly, but the only way they know that is if you tell them. If this happens you can try kissing your partner as it’s not easy to kiss and talk at the same time!
Practice Makes Perfect : Try practicing what you want to say to your guy before you say it. ‘Hmmm, I love it when you put your finger…’ is a lot less cringe-inducing the 20th time you say it than it is the first. “The idea is to make sure the words don’t sound foreign and awkward to you any more,” you can use this when you’re masturbating alone. Just becoming comfortable with words can take the stigma out of them.
Plagiarize, Plagiarize, Plagiarize: As a writer I don’t believe in plagiarism but as a women who enjoys talking dirty to her partner, I often borrow scenes and scenarios from books, erotic novels and magazines. I look for ones that turn me on personally, or perhaps Hubby and I will read together and take it turns to read out loud. Readers Wives letters are still a staple diet in this household!
There are a couple of benefits to this I’ve found:
You get to turn up your own burner by reading this type of erotica. Exposure to this kind of graphic detail will give you the words to use so you can describe what you want your partner to do.
Call 1-900 : If you really can’t stand the idea of talking dirty face to face then start with some phone sex. For many couples this will naturally lead to face to face fantasy talk. The idea is to become familiar with your own voice saying certain words and exposing inner thoughts. It’s no coincidence that 1-900 numbers are some of the most used in the world. Why not create your own for your lover incorporating some of the ideas I’ve outlined here.
You’ve Got Mail: If you both own PC’s then using instant messaging can be a great way to turn up the heat verbally and a great way to start communicating and getting used to using words that may be alien at this point. I was far more comfortable doing this than actually using the words for many months but as you write, you will hear the words in your head. Try reading your messages back, so you become familiar with hearing yourself speak the words.
Paint A Picture: When you talk dirty you can try and conjure up an image in your partners mind that will turn up the heat. For example, imagine your out at dinner when your partner leans over and whispers in your ear, “When we get home, I’m going to kiss every square inch of your body.” By putting an imagine into your partners head, your stoking the coals of imagination and we all know that the mind is the most erotic part of the body.
Leave The Kids Out Of It : Kids can put a real damper on the fires of erotic expression. It’s hard to think sexy thoughts let alone talk sexy when you’re living in fear of the knock on your bedroom door, or worried about Daisy’s first day at school tomorrow.
The answers to this may seem simple but they do work:
Put a lock on your door and make sure that your children are aware that Mum and Dads room is there space, just as the child space is in their own room.
Don’t be afraid to take that offer of babysitting from grandma at the weekend. Time invested in your own relationship is important to!
I have an arrangement with a friend for example, where I will take her children one night a week and the following weekend she will have mine. The kids have a good time and so do the adults -))
Make It Personal: However you decide to communicate aurally with your partner; using their name can turn a dirty scenario into a very personal one. Of course the golden rule here is to know your partners name!!
Can’t Say The Words: The final word is that if you simply can’t bring yourself to say those words, relax – it’s not really a big deal at the moment. What’s more important is your sharing intimate time with your partner.
Who knows in the future you may decide to experiment by saying something as simple as. ” I want you now!” or whispering in their ear, ” You make me feel so good!” In the meantime remember that doing something with enthusiasm is far more important and a greater turn on than simply doing something because you believe it’s what your partner wants.