Written By: C. Michael Smith
Introduction: Your first time, like everyone else’s, is more likely to be clumsy, awkward, confusing, and uncomfortable than earthmoving and glorious. It may even be over just moments after it begins.
I don’t mean to paint you a sad, gray picture, though. Your first time doesn’t have to be painful, fearful, or disappointing if you arm yourself with realistic expectations, lots of knowledge, and sensible preparation.
Let’s talk about some issues you should consider before taking the big plunge, let’s learn how to best prepare for first time sex, let’s discover what you can realistically expect, let’s ease your concerns about the things that you may be worried about, and let’s discuss what you need to know to make the most of your first time.
What To Consider: There are some issues you need to consider before having first time sex.
. Are You Ready?
If you are planning to give up your virginity just because you have reached a certain age, you think all of your friends are doing it, because your partner is constantly nagging you about having sex with them, because you think it will miraculously save your troubled relationship, you think it will guarantee a more committed relationship, you think it will make your partner love you more, or you think it will make your partner stay with you longer and keep them from leaving you, then I think you are doing it for the wrong reasons and you may wish to reconsider your decision to have first time sex at this time.
. Is This The Person I Want To Lose My Virginity To?
The next thing to consider is the person you are with. Remember that you can only give your virginity away one time and you will remember it for the rest of your life, so choose wisely. Make sure you will not regret this decision.
. How To Best Prepare:
My advice is that when you decide you are ready to have sex for the first time, plan your time spent together so that you always have protection, lubrication, and other needed items handy, but don’t plan the intercourse.
In other words, don’t plan the act itself, but plan around the act. Let that happen naturally. Just make sure you always have the items you need handy in case it happens. This should reduce a lot of the un-needed nervousness and excessive fore-thought while still making sure you will have a safe and protected experience with birth control, lubrication, and condoms.
There are some things you need to know to best prepare yourself for having sex for the first time.
The most important thing you need to know is to use protection.
Gain some experience ahead of time. Get to know your body and your sexual response. Get to know your partner’s body, as well.
Simulate the event in advance. During heavy make-out sessions, practice the thrusting motions of intercourse with your clothes on. Grind against each other.
If you have friends or a sibling that have had sex, talk to them to see what their experience was like.
No bragging to friends about what you are planning to do.
Great communication is vital in any sexual relationship. Be sure to talk to your partner ahead of time about expectations and concerns.
You’ll also want to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about their sexual history, if they have one. Did you partner use protection against STDs with their previous partner/s? Does your partner have an STD? Have they been tested recently?
Discuss possible sexual consequences. What will you do if you get pregnant? What will you do if one of you passes on an STD to the other?
Be sure to let your partner know that you are a virgin. Many people want to try to hide that from their partners, but that’s a horrible idea, I believe.
Ladies can prepare themselves for penetration by practicing penetration with their fingers, first, and then with a dildo.
Guys can practice stamina and control by masturbating and stopping just short of ejaculation.
Guys can prepare themselves by becoming comfortable with their penis. Guys frequently worry about the size of their penis. “Am I big enough to please her?” 90% of penises fall between 5-7 inches. And don’t worry if you are just outside of this range. 10% of us are a bit under or a bit over that range.
Have lubrication ready. Lube can be a very important part of making first intercourse enjoyable. It will make penetration easier and more comfortable. Get a water-based lube, as they are condom compatible. Oil-based lubes can break down the latex in condom. You can find water based lubes in many pharmacies, drug stores, or grocery stores.
Choose a place where you will feel comfortable, safe, and dignified.
Choose a time when you have plenty of time and will not be interrupted.
Prepare an overnight bag with the items you need.
Don’t eat too much before you have sex, although eating a little may help ease your stomach jitters. Avoid eating a heavy meal, as that can make you tired and groggy.
Be in the right frame of mind before having sex. Having your first experience while under the influence of drugs or alcohol is a terrible idea, I believe.
What You Need To Know About The Act Itself: When it comes time to make love, be sure to limit your interruptions, so you can focus solely on each other.
Set the mood. Light some candles, put on some soft music, and light some incense. This will help you get comfortable, relaxed, and aroused.
Lighting one or more candles will also help make sure the room is light enough that you can see what you are doing.
Understand and accept that no matter how much planning you do, your first time will not likely go as planned.
If you are like the rest of us, you will be a little nervous, scared, anxious, and excited – all at once. That’s normal and it’s ok!
Continue to help your body and your mind prepare for sex by engaging in lots of foreplay.
The more comfortable you are being nude around your partner, the better your experience will be, also.
Learn how to give a good massage. This will help your partner relax even further.
Engage in some oral and manual sex, further readying your bodies for penetration.
If you just end up touching, holding each other, hugging, kissing, and performing oral sex on each other the first night, that would be a great beginning. You don’t have to rush to the intercourse. But, please be aware that sexual activity such as oral sex has potential consequences, also, such as STDs.
You may want to give each other an orgasm before you get to the penetration. Orgasms release hormones which will help the lady’s body relax. This should make penetration easier for her.
Time to put on the condom! Condom use can reduce sensation somewhat, but that may be a good thing. A condom can help him slow down a bit and help with the premature ejaculations that young, excited, inexperienced guys are susceptible to. A condom can also help each of you relax, especially if you are worried about an unwanted pregnancy or STDs (and you should be concerned about these things). You CAN get pregnant and you CAN acquire an STD your first time!
When you are ready for penetration, apply a liberal amount of lubricant to her vulva and his penis.
You may be worried about which sexual position(s) to use. Experimenting with positions may not be the best idea for your first time.
Guys, your penis, which has, up to this point, worked infallibly for many years, may suddenly go limp when it comes time to have sex for the first time, due to your nervousness. This is quite common among those new to sex.
Even though the penis and vagina are a natural match, initial penetration isn’t as easy as you may think. You can probably expect a little bit of poking and prodding.
During vaginal penetration, her hymen may need to be broken. The hymen is a thin membrane that covers the opening to the vagina.
Around 50% of women experience some bleeding the first time (or the first couple times) they have intercourse.
During insertion, go slow and be gentle to give the lady a chance to adjust and communicate any problems.
During insertion, the lady will feel pressure and stretching in her vagina. Insertion and intercourse may be physically painful for her.
Once the penis is inside the vagina, then begin slow, light thrusting. Again, communication is key. Ask how she is doing.
As for the depth, should you thrust all the way in, or just part way? This is up to the two of you. Neither is the right way or the wrong way.
Many people worry about the proper rhythm to use. Don’t worry about that for now, either. Developing a good rhythm takes practice and requires that you move in accordance with how your partner moves.
You each reserve the right to stop the action whenever you want and for whatever reason you want. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t started yet, have just started, or are well under way.
Go slow. Take your time. There’s no hurry.
Guys can generally experience very intense feelings after just a few seconds of intercourse. It doesn’t necessarily work this way for the ladies, though. It usually takes a lot longer for ladies to reach the same level of arousal as the guys.
The first time can be painful for guys, too, but our pain is usually more on an emotional level and comes from not being nearly as studly in bed as we thought we would be.
Intercourse can be very pleasurable. If either of you is worried, anxious, or distracted, you could be detracting from the physical and emotional pleasure of intercourse. So again, try to relax.
Some guys (especially younger, more inexperienced guys) tend to cum faster than either of you would probably like. The initial act of intercourse may only last for a minute or two. Cumming quickly when you are new to intercourse is very normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Just keep practicing.
Make sure you take good care of your partner during this experience. You want them to look forward to making love with you again in the future, right? Be kind, loving, and considerate.
Communicate with your partner. Ask how they are doing and let them know how you are doing.
Less than 8% of ladies have an orgasm during their first time, so don’t think you did something wrong if you don’t have one.
People often wonder about simultaneous orgasms, also. While it is certainly possible, let me tell you a secret. It’s not likely – and not just because it’s your first time. Even with most experienced couples, simultaneous orgasms are the exception rather than the norm, so don’t worry about that.
Once you have an orgasm, guys, grab your penis, holding the condom in place and pull out slowly. You don’t have to do this immediately, but don’t take very long to do it, as shrinkage can cause your semen to leak out or cause the condom to slip off inside her, defeating the purpose for having the condom in the first place.
You don’t have to rush to the shower immediately after sex, but having some Kleenex or a towel handy for cleanup purposes is probably a good idea.
Engage in some afterplay – kissing, hugging, spooning, touching, talking.
“What’s the big fuss?” That’s a pretty common thought that might go through your head afterwards, as well. Most likely because you’ve built sex up so high in your mind that it couldn’t possibly ever live up to your expectations.
If you are a bit disappointed with sex, that’s pretty common, too. Let me tell you another little secret. It DEFINITELY gets better with time and practice.
Communication is vital in any relationship, and a sexual relationship is certainly no exception. No matter whether it was a hot session full of passion or a clumsy, embarrassing experience, when it’s over, talk to your partner about what happened.
Have you ever heard people refer to the smell of sex? Just be ready for it, so it doesn’t surprise you. It’s completely normal and many people love to bask in the scent.
You might notice some blood on the sheets afterwards. Many women experience a little bit of bleeding after their first time, or first few times.
Women may experience a little bit of tenderness or be a little sore afterwards – maybe even the next day.
You will likely feel different about yourself and your partner after this experience, and not necessarily in a bad way.
Many people mistakenly believe that having sex will suddenly make you feel like a real man or a real woman. I believe being a real man or a real woman comes from other aspects of your life, not whether you’ve had sex or not.
You may have regrets after your first time. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have done it. You have just lost your virginity. You have given away a part of yourself. It’s normal to mourn that loss.
No bragging to friends afterwards about what happened. This is a private, personal issue between you and your partner.
Have fun! Sex doesn’t have to be a serious thing. It’s ok to laugh. It’s ok to goof off. It’s ok to do it over and over again!
Now that it’s over with, you may already be thinking about trying it again. Well, don’t let me stop you. What are you waiting for? Practice makes perfect. Some people start to feel guilty that they are actually craving sex. Don’t feel guilty. It’s perfectly normal to be excited and anxious to do it again. After all, you have just uncovered a whole new world. Explore it!
Conclusion: Lovemaking can be an incredible way to physically express your feelings for your partner. It can be a fantastic physical and emotional experience as long as you are ready for it and you take it at face value rather than over-romanticizing it or expecting too much from it.
Just remember that you are in the same boat that all of us have been in at one time or another. It’s normal not to know exactly what to do or what to expect from first-time sex. But people have been having sex for ages. They all figured it out – and you will, too.
Sex gets better with practice, and let me tell you – practicing can be a lot of fun!
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