With all the emphasis on sex in our culture, sometimes foreplay can be underestimated. One option for foreplay I haven’t heard mentioned is massage. When I first started giving massages, I was mostly fumbling around, not sure of how to proceed. For me, massage was mostly learned. Here are a few (hopefully helpful) tips to guide your journey into massage.
Attitude: I’ve found massage to be FAR better and more satisfying (to give or to receive) if the masseuse truly enjoys giving the massage. I approach it like a scientist, trying to figure out what your partner likes and dislikes. Experiment. Have fun. Even if you give a massage as foreplay, try not to think of it as foreplay . . . a massage is something to be enjoyed for it’s own sake.
Sensitivity: People are FAR more sensitive when they’re receptive to the gesture and when they’re not expecting it. This has two applications . . . first, WHEN you give a massage is very important. Begin the massage when both of you would like it. A good time for a massage is immediately after dealing with a stressful issue. Stress knots up the muscles, a physical tightness which persists after the immediate worry has passed. Also, after dealing with the issue, your partner will hopefully be in a receptive mood, perfect for a firm massage.
Second, sensitivity plays a very important part during the massage itself. Vary your techniques so your partner doesn’t expect the next part, surprise is great for increasing sensitivity. Contrast increases sensitivity too. A light, wandering touch is best following a firm, deep rub. Likewise, a firm technique is great immediately following a light touch. Fingernails are great on sensitized skin, but don’t use them exclusively. Talk to your partner, a well-timed and honest compliment can do wonders for their sensitivity. Also, let them know you enjoy giving the massage, it will help them relax to know you’re not just doing it for them.
Location: Muscles tend to knot up at different locations for different people, as you give more massages to the same person, you will learn these locations. Make sure to massage where it’s needed. Also, even though back rubs are obvious, don’t forget the rest of the body! I’ve had great results with the back of the neck, scalp, hands and feet as well.
Not all parts of the body are good for both firm and light massages. I’d advise against using a firm massage on the face, front of the neck, or belly. If you massage a part of the body, be careful to not exclude an area of it. For example, on my first few foot rubs, I completely neglected the Achilles tendon, which can get quite sore.
Technique: Here are a few techniques that work well for me, but above all be responsive to your partner’s needs and wants. I’ve found it’s a good idea to follow the natural contours of the body. For example, in the middle of the back, I move vertically on either side of the spine. On the face, I work in circles, following the curve of the jawbone and cheekbone.
Here are a few tips for each specific part of the body:
Back: One good technique for switching between firm and soft massage is to firmly grab the shoulders (one in each hand), then press downward while dragging your fingers down your partner’s back. Be careful not to let up the pressure at the small of the back, it’s very easy to accidentally do, and the small of the back is a very satisfying place to massage. You can also reverse this, starting at the small of the back and pressing firmly, dragging your hands up the back, up the back of the neck, and moving into a scalp massage. Another good one is to make fists, put them at the small of the back at about the kidneys, then lean hard on your hands and rotate them.