Why Twinkies Are Like Personal Lubricants! 3

TwinkiesNow that Twinkies are back on the shelves, the real question is, should I or should I not add them to my shopping list this week? I know they are just gonna sit in my pantry for years and likely never get eaten, but does that mean I shouldn’t buy them? I mean what if there was a nuclear disaster in a couple of year’s time? Would I be grateful for them as I’m told they will likely survive the disaster as there are more chemicals in those little devils than in your average high school chemistry lab after all?

I, like many others, go through this process when I’m deciding on a new personal lubricant. Okay, maybe not the nuclear disaster part, but many times I can hear myself weighing up the pros and cons of a particular lube: Will I use it? How often will I use it? Is it in my budget? What material is it made of and does that sit well with my own moral compass?

Over the past few years the last part of that paragraph seems to have become a more prevalent conversation amongst adult reviewers in particular. No longer are we simply satisfied that a personal lubricant will do the job as described. Now we are expected to take the product down to its molecular level and dissect it with all the prowess of an FBI lab technician.

As an adult product reviewer it’s my job to test a lube, check its pros and cons and the manufacturers claims, but as importantly, it’s my job to inform my readers. That said, I am sadly not a chemistry major and whilst I can tell you that silicone toys do not play well with silicone lubes, if you asked me the specifics I would have no idea. No more than I could tell you why Twinkies can survive a nuclear holocaust and at the end of the day, does the average reader of reviews or your average Twinkies consumer really care anyway?

Many will and that is why information is important, but you have to take that information for what it is and consider the source before you can, as a consumer, make an informed decision. Some sources are just more reliable than others when you think about it.

Take our humble Twinkies for example: The whole, ‘they can survive a nuclear war and last for years,’ is in fact a myth. That myth has an origin and it began when a science teacher from Maine, for some strange reason, decided to keep one on top of his chalkboard for 30 years. The guy swore that it looked like new, but as far as I can tell he never actually ate the thing… Twinkies are in fact baked and have a shelf life of 25 days because they contain no dairy.

Where there is a difference between the two, is whilst all Twinkies are derived from the same recipe, personal lubricants are not. Like Twinkies, if you care to read the side of the bottle or package that contains the lube, you can read the ingredients and while some may seem to contain many chemicals, a simple Google search will often gander the properties of each ingredient and help you make sense of them.

Every day we make a choice in regards to what we eat, put in or on our bodies and personal lubricants should, in my opinion, be no different. If you eat a wholly vegan diet the chances are you would want to choose an organic lube, if on the other hand you are an avid consumer of Twinkies, you may well be happy with one of the many other formulas that exist. The real take home here is that it pays to be informed, whether you are consuming Twinkies or a personal lubricant!

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3 thoughts on “Why Twinkies Are Like Personal Lubricants!

  1. Reply Jeff Jun 27,2014 1:42 pm

    Hmmm… What about using Twinkies as a personal lubricant?

    • Reply jenne Jun 29,2014 8:24 am

      That might make for an interesting review -)) Wanna volunteer as a guest lab rat instead of Hubby as he’s only tried one twinkie and he wasn’t keen….

  2. Reply Jeff Jun 29,2014 8:14 pm

    It makes one think about it…. I am sure there is also a good erotic story there with lots of double entendres…

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