Written By: CJ Edwards Kinkly.Com
Takeaway: Realizing your dominant fantasy isn’t as simple as you might imagine. Here are some skills you need to hone first.
It seems like a dream come true – a dutiful slave (or two) at your beck and call, ready and willing to submit to your every sexual whim, no matter how raunchy. No, you aren’t weird – a little kinky, maybe, but not weird. In the BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism) community, you would be referred to as a dominant. However, actually realizing this fantasy is often much more difficult than you can imagine. Not only does it require a true desire to be in control, but it also requires a number of other characteristics, some of which may surprise you.
So, do you have what it takes to be a dominant? Let’s find out, shall we? (Not ready for BDSM but still want to incorporate a little kink? Check out Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun.)
Assertiveness:
This is perhaps one of the most obvious qualities that every dominant needs to possess. In fact, assertiveness is an absolute must.
To be a good dominant, you need to know what you want and not be afraid to voice those desires to your submissives. Now’s not the time to be polite, so forget what your mama taught you and nix the “please” and “thank you.” Instead, issue concise commands to get your point across. In other words, assert yourself!
Self-Confidence:
If you lack self-confidence, you won’t cut it as a dominant – and you probably won’t enjoy it either. Other dominants, and even submissives, can smell a lack of self-confidence from a mile away. To be a good dominant, you can’t constantly be worried about how you look to others or wondering what your submissives are thinking about you.
That said, flexing your dominant muscles can do wonders to boost a flagging self esteem. If all you need is a little push, give this role a shot. As for the self confidence, there’s only one thing you can do at first: fake it! Put yourself in the mindset that you are powerful, a sex god or goddess. Even if you’re new to the whole dominant thing and have no clue what you’re doing, faking it can go a long way toward helping you build true confidence.
Communication:
Communication is important during any sexual encounter, but it’s extremely important during a BDSM scene. Open communication between a dominant and submissive is vital. As a dominant, you should be comfortable expressing your sexual wants and needs. You should also encourage your submissives to talk to you about what they want from the experience.
Before any BDSM activity, or “scene,” it’s important to establish what roles everyone will play as well as well as any limitations participants may have. For example, you may be looking forward to a good caning. That’s cool, just don’t assume that your partner will be as receptive.
Also, always establish safewords before any scene. Traffic light colors – red, yellow and green – are widely considered to be universal safewords. Red obviously means “stop everything right now!” Yellow means “slow down” or “back off” but don’t stop completely.” Green, of course, means “bring it on!”
If you choose to use your own safewords, make sure that they are words or phrases that c