2. What makes you tick, sexually? Learn to tune in to your sexYOUality. Keep expanding your horizons of sensual pleasure. Learn to become more easily and strongly orgasmic. You have to learn about your own sexual response, what makes you feel good, and what leads you to orgasm. How can your partner know what to do to bring you pleasure if you don’t even know yourself?

3. You are the teacher of your partner. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to somehow magically know what to do to please you. It’s your responsibility to know how to please yourself and then to communicate this to them so they can bring you the greatest pleasure possible.

4. The lack of knowledge about one’s own sexual response seems to be a larger problem for women, on the whole, than for men. I suspect this is due to the fact that men have been manhandling and experimenting with our penises for as long as we knew we had one, and therefore probably know our bodies a little better than women do, on average.

5. I have read many online postings from ladies, both young and mature, where they are so frustrated because they don’t orgasm through intercourse, manual sex, or oral sex. Some have never had an orgasm before in their life. When asked, most of these women admit to never having masturbated or engaged in self-exploration, either. Many women have to teach themselves to have good orgasms. They have to experiment and learn about their body’s sexual response. Once they know how to do it themselves, then they can teach their men what they need in order to experience the greatest pleasure.

6. Women who masturbate regularly are often more able to orgasm with a partner due to their familiarity of their bodies, their sexual response, and their orgasmic process.

7. Many people, especially men, ignore the sensual pleasures of their whole body, preferring to focus on genital stimulation. But doing so robs you of so much potential intimacy and pleasure and can lead to sex that is focused solely on reaching orgasm, rather than reaching the full potential of everything that lovemaking has to offer along the way. Learn to tune into your body and really feel what it is experiencing.

8. Explore your body alone, first. When you are experimenting alone, you are responsible only for your own pleasure, so you are more likely to be more relaxed, work at a pace that best suits you, and allow yourself the time to experiment with different sensations than you would with a partner. Once you define your own personal pleasure map, then you can relay this information to your partner and begin experimenting with them. Your partner can’t do this for you as accurately as you can by yourself.

9. Set aside some time for yourself when you will be uninterrupted. Lock the doors. Take the phone off the hook. Run a bath. Make it deep and warm. Play some comfort music. Light some candles. Get relaxed. Take some time to run your fingers all over your body and make note of what feels good. Pay attention to your responses. Listen to your body. How do you feel? Relaxed? Turned on? Any kind of touching is acceptable - light touches, heavy touches, scratching with your nails, pinching, stroking with the back of your hand, and any other way of touching yourself that you can imagine. The only rules are that the touch be pleasurable, and that you explore every possible place you can reach. Get very detailed in your exploration. Touch and explore absolutely everywhere. Spend plenty of time on each part, trying out various methods of stimulating each part while applying various pressures and speeds. You can touch yourself as light or as heavy as you wish to test the limits of your pleasure. You may find that you prefer a light stroke on your nipples at first and find that as you get more turned on, you prefer heavier strokes there. Make note of all of your observations. There is no set amount of time that you must spend doing this. Do it for as long as it feels pleasurable. You may want to have many sessions of doing this. The better you get to know your own body, the better you will be able to instruct your partner on how to please you.

10. A highly effective lover knows their body and their sexual response inside and out and communicates this information to their partner!

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