Tears.
Written By: Jenne
As I sit here, I can feel the wetness against my flesh. Cold against warm skin, but inside I’m dead. Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing, and I am left with nothing but the wetness of my own tears to comfort me.
I have, after all, no right to feel sorry for myself. I may not be happy but I am healthy, which is more than can be said for you. I watched these past few months as your battled your health, body and soul, and I’ve never once seen you shed your own tears. Only when I am alone can I shed my own, so perhaps you do feel this wetness as it drips down your own cheeks when you are alone too. As the sobs come harder, I try to stifle them, but I can’t. Somewhere in those tears is a relief, a sense of letting go of all the things I have for so long held onto. All the torments, deceptions and false hopes that we have been given. Only when I indulge can the veil be lifted and my true emotions allowed to meander through the corners of my mind.
Their are corners that scare me, corners that make me happy, but one thing is for sure in everyone of those corner, you are present. The thought that one day, you might not be fills me with more fear, than any man ever could. My own mind plays tricks on me tonight as I sit in the darkness and recall happier times. Times before the bedside vigils, times when we laughed till we cried tears of happiness, not tears of sadness as they have turned into these days.
I recall the first time we met. Our first kiss, the feel of your stubbly cheeks pressing against mine as we cuddled seeking warmth from each other, in the coldness of that long winter night. That was a night that neither of us were ever likely to forget. That stupid, funny night where fate threw us together.
If I had not known Dave and you Sandra, I would never have been able to shed these tears this evening, I would never have known the light that you shine so brightly into my life for all these years. That crazy night, sitting in that tent, nothing but a small hanging lantern to light our desire, but it was lit alright and it’s not dulled since. I recall your arms around me, so strong. A feeling of security like I had never felt before as you simply held me. We both knew we wanted more, but we were both afraid to take it further, scared that in some way we would taint the moment, leave a scar that could not be removed.
Then it happened, you kissed me and the spark that was burning lit up brighter than any battery operated lantern ever could. We became a mash of lips, hands and fumbled attempts to undress one another. I suddenly needed to feel your naked flesh against mine. With those lips you unleashed my sexual appetite, all those nights yearning for your touch.
Desiring your kiss, to feel your lips against mine once more. Our tongues entwined, like two snakes mating, neither wanting to leave the other. Your hands searching out the fleshier parts of my body, parts that no one but me had touched before, but as your hands reached down it was as though they abolished all fear, leaving nothing but that warm feeling that was growing in the pit of my stomach.
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We fumbled, around in the still half darkness of that tent till we were nothing more that two pieces of flesh, neither of us really know what we were doing, just knowing that we had to do it. As two sleeping bags merged into one, the need grew stronger. We both felt the urgency of that need