Written By: MsAmyGirl
Many people begin exploring their bodies at an early age, leading to masturbation. It seems that the stereotype is that only teenagers or those not in a relationship masturbate. However, did you know many people in relationships continue to masturbate? In fact, masturbation within marriage or committed relationships is common, and is no cause for alarm. Around 97 percent of men and 68 percent of women masturbate on a regular basis. Results from the 1993 Janus Report on Sexual Behavior showed that this number is slightly less common among married people, but about half of married men and women reported that they masturbate. Nonetheless, to some people, it comes as quite a shock to discover their spouse or partner has a secret sex life that they were unaware of. There are a lot of common questions we’ve seen on Clitical regarding this very subject. Below are answers to some of these questions.
Why does my partner feel they need to masturbate? Am I not sexy enough/giving them enough sex?
There are many reasons people masturbate while in a sexual relationship. It may be as simple as they’re horny when their partner is at work or busy with something else. They may feel the need to have an orgasm, but may not feel they have the time or energy to pay attention to their partner, and therefore don’t want to initiate sex. Their partner may be tired, sick, asleep, having their period, or stressed, and not interested in having sex. Others have said masturbation helps them fall asleep easier, or it simply feels good, so they do it. Studies have shown masturbation among married females actually has a positive effect on their sex lives by helping them to understand their bodies better. Another benefit of masturbation is it can promote a feeling of being in control of one’s sexual satisfaction without always having to rely on one’s partner for orgasm.
Sex and masturbation are not necessarily mutually exclusive. A person can have a healthy, satisfying sex life and still masturbate. The fact that your partner masturbates does not mean that they aren’t satisfied with your lovemaking capabilities. It also does not, as some people believe, indicate that your partner is having (or considering having) an affair. If you still have doubts, the answer again lies in your partner. To find out why they specifically masturbate, you’ll have to ask them.
This brings up the issue of pornography. Many ladies feel if their partner has magazines or movies, that there is something wrong with the way they look. Remember, men respond to visual stimuli. A man can enjoy looking at women in movies or magazines, but can still appreciate the truly unique beauty of their partner. I have actually found that looking at magazines with my husband can be a wonderful way to gain insight into his thoughts. By discussing what he finds attractive in certain photos, I not only have gained an understanding of what he finds attractive in women, but also the qualities I possess that attracted him to me.
If you have just found out that your partner masturbates, the idea may take awhile to get used to. You are in the process of reevaluating what you know about your partner. You may feel like you have been mislead or lied to. Remember that many people feel that masturbation is a private matter that should not be discussed. Your partner may have been embarrassed to admit they masturbate, or afraid you would be angry if they told you. They may also