Finally, the female experience of self-pleasure!
YES, It’s True — females masturbate, too. Although we may not feel the same physical urgency to masturbate as guys (at least not as often as guys), girls definitely experience sexual arousal, particularly during puberty. It is often not only a physical experience but an emotional one as well. Remember all of those screaming, crying girls at the Beatles’ concerts? That was a heavily hormone-influenced response.
Many women, whether they have masturbated or not, feel embarrassed or ashamed about masturbation. It is not usually a subject shared with your girlfriends. Some girls, anxious to please their boyfriend or to try expressing their own sexuality, will have sexual intercourse long before they are ready to deal with the emotional impact that goes with it. Masturbation is a healthy way for females to satisfy their sexual feelings and learn about their own sexual response. It is particularly important for a woman to understand her own body and sexual response, because it is not something that will be learned from a male lover — another mistake many of us make. (Okay, before I get nasty e-mail from guys reading this page, let me say that I’m sure there have been some men out there who have enlightened their female lovers, but I think most women would be safer not to depend on it.) For this reason, it is not surprising that many women have been sexually active for years with male lovers but have NEVER EXPERIENCED AN ORGASM. This is a tragedy — and it definitely reinforces the importance of a woman being in touch with her own body and sexual response.
The Basics Of Female Masturbation
Time, mood, place.
One of the most important things to realize when masturbating is that you need to be relaxed and undistributed in order to really enjoy the experience. Think of this as your time. Take the phone off the hook, lock the door and spend some quality time with yourself. I’m aware that this is not always easy as it sounds, especially if like me you have kids and a Hubby, but I really can’t stress enough how important it is to try to find time. Women fill so many different roles, are many things to many people, that it’s easy to forget that you are also a person. Taking time for yourself is not being selfish and is not something you should feel guilty about. Everyone needs to take some time away from the rigors of the outside world once in a while.
How you find this time is up to you. One of the ways I do it is to go to the one safe haven in our house, the bathroom. It has a lock; it has a shower and a nice long tub for me to lie in. I can light candles or leave the main light on, I can read a book in peace and I have a very good masturbation tool in the shower head as well as a pair of hands at my disposal. [One word of warning here if you normally masturbate with a vibrator, please make sure it’s waterproof before using it in the bathtub or shower, especially if you normally use an electric one!! I’m told that electrocution is not a pleasant experience!! ]
Another option is of course the bedroom. You may want to consider putting a lock on the door, so you can completely relax without fear of intrusion. Again you have a ready-made multitude of tools at your disposal here to aid your experience if you so wish. Most bedrooms contain a mirror, in many cases a full length one. All contain pillows that can help with positions; most have a cabinet for stashing lubricant, sex toys and erotic books.
Both of the above are great options for settings and you can always dress them up for the occasion. I’m not talking party balloons and hats dressing up here, I’m talking mood setters. By this I mean change the bed linen to your favorite, have some music playing in the background, light some candles, basically find an environment that you can really relax and be comfortable in. The truth is the more time you put into the preparation the more you’ll get out of the experience. I find it also makes me look forward to what’s to come more; the anticipation of spending time alone with myself is sometimes half the fun.
So your room is set, your candles lit and now you’re wondering what the hell to do next…
For the purpose of this section I’m going to use the bedroom as my setting as it’s where most women choose to masturbate.
Although many of the techniques listed in this section of Clitical are tried and tested, it’s important to remember that none of them are guaranteed. Just because something works for one woman doesn’t mean it will work for another. The secret here is to really lie back take the time to really get in touch with your own body. Many women are uncomfortable with the sight of their own naked bodies. One way in which you can begin to feel more comfortable about your own body is to stop comparing it with others. Remember that each of us is individual and our bodies are a simple reflection of that individuality. Getting comfortable with your own body is an important first step to a better sex life and masturbation can aid in this.
If you’re one of the many women who feel uncomfortable about taking your clothes off and seeing yourself naked there are a few simple steps you can take in the comfort of your own bedroom to help overcome this. Remember that mirror I mentioned earlier, now is a good time to go and stand in front of it. Slowly begin to undress and watch each part of your own body as it’s revealed to you. Once your completely undressed, begin to stoke your body, maybe caress your neck, still watching yourself in the mirror, now slowly beginning to move your hands down your body towards your breasts, still watching. Keep doing this and take it slowly, step by step and you will find that you will become more comfortable with not only the look of your own body but also the feel of it. You may even discover erogenous zones you didn’t even know you had!!
Once you’re naked, pull up a chair and sit on it’s edge with your legs open and take a good look at your genitals in the mirror. See all those folds and curls? They are what make you as unique as the shape of your nose or the color of your eyes. No two vulvas are the same and taking the time to get familiar with yours is time well spent. In order to feel comfortable masturbating, you need to understand your anatomy, what it does and how it can make you feel. Try pulling your labia gently apart and examining your clitoris and vaginal opening. Try gently stroking your clitoris and watch what happens in the mirror. Insert your finger into your vagina and see how it feels, some women enjoy the sensations but many don’t, just remember there are no wrongs here! Just gentle exploration and getting to know yourself a little better. This is your time and no one else, so there is no pressure and no reason to wonder if what you are doing is right. If it feels good to you then you’re doing it right is the general rule of thumb when it comes to self-love.
Basic Female Masturbation Techniques:
Below I’ve described some basic techniques you might like to try as you explore your body a little more:
- Place your thumb and forefinger on either side of your clitoris and gently roll it between your fingers. Start slowly and gently and explore until you find the speed that works for you. A variation of this technique is to use both hands and roll your outer lips between the fingers. If your clitoris is sensitive to the touch this can be a great technique to try.
- With two fingers placed directly on your clitoris move them in a circular motion. As always try varying the speed and position of your fingers.
- Try drawing circles around your clitoris with your middle finger. Again a great technique if you have a sensitive clitoris like many women do.
- Trace the alphabet on your clitoris with your index finger. Another great way to discover how certain stokes may affect the sensations your body can produce.
- You may like to try placing a finger inside yourself and thrusting it back and forth. A little lubricant can be useful here. Then take your fingers and tap them gently against your clitoris. Vary the speed and intensity of each tap, if you’re playing music listen to it’s beat and try to develop a rhythm.
- Try changing positions. You’ll most likely be surprised just how different the sensations of all the above techniques change as you change position. Try sitting, standing, squatting or laying on your belly as well as your back.
The key here is to have fun and become comfortable with your own body and the feelings it can produce as you explore it. This is a way of learning to communicate with yourself, get in touch with your sexual side without fear of rejection or getting it wrong because remember there’s no wrongs here.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this section there are as many ways to masturbate as there are women masturbating. Being comfortable with your own body is the first and most important step you will take on this journey of sexual discovery.